What I wish...

Tout le monde,

Well, here's to disappointment. If you expect this to be inspiring or moving, please just delete and move on. All I can think of now is what I wish was different about the situation I'm in. Basically this is going to be one big "poor me" session. Here's my wish list:

1. One night to not have to sleep in my own sweat (or someone else's), to be cool enough to cover up and snuggle down in my own comfortable bed. While I'm at it how about sleeping inside instead of out on the porch because it's even hotter inside.
2. One day without having to eat rice, beans or lentils. One day where all I eat is fresh stuff (fruit, salad, yogurt, a sandwich,...)
3. One afternoon at the beach. One surf session even if there are no waves. I just want to paddle out and sit on my board and feel that anticipation that no matter how flat it is a great wave with my name on it is about to roll in. If it could be cold where I had to where my wetsuit and my fingers were so cold afterwards I couldn't hardly get out of the wetsuit or zip up my pants...that'd be sweet...
4. One meal without flies...
5. Grass...one day without staring at, walking on, and breathing dust.
6. Air conditioning
7. Flushing toilets all the time
8. Electricity just one full day when I could plug in my computer when I needed to use it or turn on the fan or listen to music besides 6:30pm to 10pm.
9. Water I could drink from the tap. One shower when I could just throw my head back and drink up some cold fresh water straight, unfiltered, un-partially-refrigerated-with-old-cabbage-smell-on-the-bottle
10. One day of speaking only English with everyone I met...no French, no Arabic and definitely no Nangjere.
11. One day when I could actually have at my disposal all I needed to make the diagnosis.
12. One ICU stay for one patient so one patient who should live...could.
13. One consult with a specialist, any specialist I wanted.
14. One day when I could give the patients all they needed without worrying about whether they'd paid for it or not.
15. One day when I could trust that what I'd ordered would actually be done by the nurses as I ordered it.
16. One of mom's home cooked meals.
17. A game of hoops...with a few weeks ahead of time to get back in shape for it.
18. One day without seeing armed soldiers.
19. One day without being stared at.
20. One hour of privacy without kids standing outside my windows staring in.
21. One trip to town in anonymity without hearing one single "NASARAH"...
22. A vehicle I could take anywhere I wanted, anytime I wanted.
23. One church service with music that moved me.
24. One email session without bugs on the screen.
25. One less trip to N'Djaména for administrative business.
26. One hospital administrator so I didn't have to be it.
27. One guy friend I could just hang out with, shoot hoops with, laugh with, etc...Sarah's great but she is just a GIRL after all.
(I guess that's a good place to stop...27...where have I heard that number before?)

Paix et tranquilité á tous...et que tous vos reves soivent realisés...